Big Little Decisions

I’ve been known to throw myself into analysis paralysis - thinking about things as so big and so complex that the urgent and necessary actions in front of me disappear.

Standing at letter A, all I can see is Z. Ignoring the rest of the alphabet, I find myself running in place while trying to get to the next stage. I’m stuck with overthinking, endless researching, and keeping busy with work that couldn’t actually be further from “the work.”

That’s why I’ve found it so important to remember that small decisions are the ones that have the biggest impact. I’m much more effective when I can take the huge gap between myself and my goals and break it into tiny action steps - small decisions that I can make in less than five seconds, over and over again. Things like:

• Ordering one more glass of water vs. one more pint of beer.

• Picking up the phone to call vs. waiting for an email response.

• Opening up a blank page in drafts vs. watching one more episode of Netflix.

• Sending them that good morning text vs. checking email first thing out of bed.

• Focusing 20 minutes in the gym vs. 20 minutes researching the best workouts.

• Dropping 10% of every paycheck into savings vs. spending it on entertainment and “business development.”

At first it feels like nothing, but repeated over time these tiny choices can mean everything.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

All that really matters is you’re headed in the right direction.

3 Things Worth Noticing

The last few days I’ve been away on business with way too much time in my thoughts. Nevertheless it’s been a good opportunity to review what’s important for me to simply notice (and not necessarily to judge as right or wrong):

1. The tone in which I speak about a person, place, or thing. My words often try to hide a feeling that my spirit just can’t.

   I say it’s casual, but my nervous laughter says it’s serious.

   I say I’m content, but with the added signature of sarcasm or sadness, what is it that I really mean?

   Luckily when I’m not keen to tune into my real voice, good friends have always been there to hold up a mirror. So when they ask me what’s really going on behind my self-scripted program, I get to replace the denial with the truth.

2. What happens to my body when things don’t go my way. Although I’ve ID’d myself as a citizen of the world - always quick to find my groove in foreign places - recently not so much. Simple things like the time it takes to get seated at a restaurant or my struggle to read or pronounce literally any word in a place’s native tongue as been throwing me for a loop. My chest tightens, breath shortens, and I then realize it’s all about control (or my lack thereof). Even if it’s just for a second, it’s worth noticing that I’m not as evolved, as zen, or as patient as I once thought. More importantly, it’s an opportunity to be real about my shortcomings, forgive myself, and continue working on them delusion-free.

3. How many (and what kind of) excuses I can make in a day. I’m sitting in a new place thinking of all the possibilities.

   I could create something significant here, but I haven’t figured it out yet.

   I could ask a local for a recommendation, but I don’t want to look stupid.

   I could reach out to someone I haven’t seen in ages, but they’ll think I’m weird.

   When you’re alone with your thoughts you’re bound to come across a lot of bullshit that simply doesn’t make sense - except to keep you aligned with your current perception of reality. I’m learning to be honest with myself about my attachment to the way things are vs. the way they could be, if only I’d get out of my own way.

What do you find worth noticing these days?

The Beauty of Being A Beginner

I’m not good at this. But I’m going to try it anyway.

I don’t know where to find that. But I don’t mind looking.

I don’t know anything about this. But I can find out.

I’ve never done it before. But let’s see how it goes.

I don’t think I can pull this off alone. Can you help me?

Starting at zero can be deflating for anyone, especially artists of a certain age who have already been through the ringer and have the scars to show for it. But making any sort of lasting impact usually requires a leveling-up leap we don’t feel 100% ready for.

Whether it’s learning a new skill, starting a new job, or attempting a new approach in relationships I try to remember the following:

1. When you’re taking a risk and starting something new, any bit of progress is a 100% improvement.

2. When you’re at the starting line, the first step is the only step that counts.

3. Being humbled brings us back to our humanity, driving us to take a more compassionate perspective toward ourselves and others.

Mental Health Is Messy (and 21 More Thoughts for Mental Health Month )

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month I’d like to remind myself…

1. Mental health is messy.

2. What it looks like for me to maintain my mental can be completely foreign to someone else. And that’s okay.

3. Asking for help is a scary but good thing.

4. I can support my friends, love my family, and self-preserve at the same time. Even if it’s from a distance.

5. I can appreciate my present without hating on my past.

6. Vulnerability makes me stronger.

7. Opening up = taking a risk.

8. More risks taken = more lessons learned.

9. Reading a book is not the same as doing the work.

10. Doing the work (especially the hard parts) is an act of self-care.

11. And doing it imperfectly is still cause for celebration.

12. Life is too short to feel shame about my process.

13. Prioritizing my wellness benefits my work in the long-run.

14. Relationships are the fitness centers of emotional growth. Play full out.

15. Unhealthy patterns can be broken when I recognize them.

16. Starting small is underrated.

17. #TeamNoSleep is overrated.

18. Don’t take unsolicited advice personally.

19. Therapy is for everyone.

20. I’m the only one responsible for my mental health journey.

21. I don’t need to forfeit my happiness to pursue my dreams.

22. When I love myself - there’s nothing to hide, nothing to protect, and nothing to defend.

I'm Paying Attention

I picked up the phone yesterday to schedule a meeting with my beloved coach who I haven’t seen in a long minute. The first thing he says:

“You sound really good.”

There’s a handful of people I really trust when they say things like that. People I believe can sense my energy over the phone. He’s one of them. With a laugh and a dramatic sigh of relief, I said:

“Yeah! I’m paying attention.”

Paying attention? I’m paying attention. I never heard myself put it that way. I liked the way it sounded.

“Yes,” he echoed. “You sound really focused.”

That felt really good to hear. And it got me thinking. What does that mean - that I’m paying attention? I’m circling around three things:

1. Mental Clarity. Since giving up things like excessive alcohol, I’ve had a lot more space to think about how I’m feeling and what I really want to be doing moment-to-moment. It’s not all roses - sometimes I’m pulling at the weeds. But it’s more fun to explore the nuances of my own emotional spectrum when I’m asking the right questions. For example…

   Is this love or is it infatuation?

   Is this hunger or is it boredom?

   Is this anger or is it ego?

2. Physical Awareness. With more mental real estate to play with, I’m making more informed decisions about where to put my body. How to move. What to eat. When to wake up or go to sleep. It’s an ongoing experiment in consistency and it gets messy sometimes. But just like the real scientific method, the more I repeat a routine, the more I learn. And adjustments are always available to make.

3. Spiritual Grounded-ness. Gentle, gentle, gentle — that’s the unspoken mantra I’ve been whispering to myself throughout my transformation these last few months.

   When I’m feeling really hyped about completing a task and I want to go even harder I have to remind myself, is this a pace I can sustain?

   When I want to beat myself up about the way I’ve acted in a relationship I have to ask myself, is that guilt really helping you out right now?

   I’ve had to sacrifice a few short-term pleasures for my long-term goals and I’m learning to be ok with letting those go.

This mindset is not an on/off switch for me. It’s a fluid practice I commit to and learn from everyday.

What does it mean for you to pay attention?

Talent vs. Commitment

When caught in comparison, it’s easy for me to start counting the awards and appearances of others - stewing comfortably in a salt bath of insecurity.

I’m talented! I’ve got talent!

I want that. I could do that. I deserve that, too….right?

That’s the voice of my ego (occasionally reinforced by partners, family, friends, fans).

Behind that voice, I’ve started listening to another one. The voice of commitment.

How much do I want it?

What am I willing to risk?

How long am I willing to wait? and

Can I be happy with where I’m at right now?

These are the questions that help me put things in perspective.

Talent is only one element of the equation. Why not consider the other variables, preferably the ones already in your control?