Light from another sunrise makes it its way through a squint in my venetian blinds. In a dream-like state of half-asleep/half-awake, I roll over to a phone nestled comfortably beside my pillow. I check in on the time to make sure I’m not late for anything. Then, of course, I check in on humanity.
The Instagram app is open. How did that happen? I’m scrolling now. The screen slides effortlessly underneath my thumb like melting ice. My eyes are wide.
Consciously the stimuli begins to roll in:
…There goes the concert I missed last night…
…somebody’s cute baby…
…my friend dropped a new music video…
….wow, look at this art direction…
…ok, this meme is really funny…
Subconsciously, another narrative plays in the background:
…If I were smart, I would’ve been at that show. Have I lost my finesse?…
…I’ll never have babies because babies cost money and I don’t have any money…
…This music video is great - I wonder how many views it has? More than mine…
…I need better art, I’ll never be cool enough…
…If I made more jokes, I’d have more friends…
Have you been here before?
If you’re like me, warped messages from comparing your life to others’ (IRL + online) echo inside your head and drip down to your heart, activating all those familiar feelings of not-enough-ness. Why though?
I’ve heard that comparison is the thief of joy, but what exactly are we supposed to do with this information? I’ve parsed together a few ideas.
Here are 9 things I remember when I need to get out of the comparison-trap:
Comparison is a fact of the human experience, there’s no getting around it and therefore no use in harboring shame about it.
Comparison is a distraction. Feeling bad about the way your life compares to someone else’s is just another way to avoid the tasks in front of you.
Comparison is petty. Many times I’ve realized I don’t even want something until I’ve seen that someone else has it. Stop and think - is this a real desire of mine? Or am I just hating out of fear of being left behind?
Comparison is ego-based. An unchecked ego is literally unattractive. Trying to protect your self-image by ramming it up against others only blocks new opportunities. With your head stuck in the white sands of another’s curated achievements and aesthetics, all the good that’s meant specifically for you passes by without notice.
Comparison pays no respect to differences. Each of us are living different lives with vastly different paths. Even identical twins. So expecting any of us to end up at the same place or the same conclusion at the same time just makes no sense.
Comparison forgets where you came from. So you went to a good school, got good grades, got a good job, and then seemingly threw it all away to pursue a creative endeavor you were passionate about. It was a sacrifice, but now you’re basically doing what you want 90 percent of the time. So why do you salivate over the projected stability and business card titles of your college friends, knowing all that you’ve bravely created for yourself in the here and now? You’re exactly where you need to be.
Comparison lives off of assumptions. If your mind is an inbox, assumptions belong in the spam folder. We tend to tell ourselves the worst possible version of a story and end up acting things out in real life to try and make it true. Assumptions can keep you stuck in a negative loop about yourself that you were never supposed to subscribe to in the first place. As Don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, “Once you recover all the energy that you invested in making assumptions, you can use that energy to create a new dream: your personal heaven.”
Not all comparison is bad. Comparison can light you on fire in a positive way. Just don’t hold on so long to it that it burns. Let it be catalyst for changes that are realistic and healthy.
Life is not a race. You may have heard the saying, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” But I’d trash that competitive concept all together. How about…life is a school dance. You show up, awkward as hell, move your body around, take some pictures, pretend to have fun until you find a way to actually enjoy yourself, and stay until the end.
What tips do you use to break the spell of comparison?